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Madonna at Super Bowl 2012? Here are some tips – So Madonna is the latest luminary to be invited to take centre stage at the now prestigious music showcase that is America’s annual Super Bowl. But how can she make her performance a global talking point? Here is a five-point guide …

We were going to suggest Madonna give it some wardrobe malfunction – Super Bowl speak for flashing a boob ever since the occasion in 2004 when Justin Timberlake caused Janet Jackson to unleash an (albeit shielded) nipple. But given this is a woman who has already cavorted with a black Christ, snogged American’s former teen sweetheart live at an awards ceremony and published a book featuring simulated sadomasochism and analingus, a flash of chest probably isn’t that shocking. Maybe she should come on in some joggers and a nice cable-knit cardie, sipping Horlicks.

She could do a Nat King Cole/Natalie Cole and sing a duet with Michael Jackson “beyond the grave”, with Jacko on a screen. Or she could cover one of his songs, with maybe the odd pronoun changed to make it sex-appropriate. He’s Out of My Life, perhaps?

Having mined the disco seam for much of her career, she could take a leaf out of some of the most acclaimed ex-Super Bowl performers’ books and Rock Out. It worked for the Stones in 2006, Tom Petty in 2008, the Boss in 2009 and the Who in 2010. After all, her follow-up to 2008’s Hard Candy was, at one point, reputed to have Pearl Jam, AC/DC and Rage Against the Machine producer Brendan O’Brien at the controls …

She could swallow her pride and invite her now far more stellar Italian-American protegee, Lady Gaga, onstage with her, although going by their last team-up, for a “side-splitting” joint appearance on Saturday Night Live, maybe she’d be better off leaving well alone.

Failing that, she could do something truly seismic and controversial and play some of her hits, preferably ones from before she got ideas above her station and started believing she was an artiste rather than a polished exponent of superior post-disco fluff.

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